It’s your first date with someone new, or possibly it’s the second date but she did most of the talking last time. She wants to know more about you, and you’re not sure what to tell her.
The problem? There’s nothing really impressive in your life. There’s nothing really awful, but the absence of negatives may not be a strong enough positive. You’re at a loss for what to tell her about yourself that will make you sound attractive without lying.
Chances are, you have more going for yourself than you realize. You may have good points you aren’t even aware of. Yet all you can think of are negatives, and you don’t want them to discourage the woman from wanting to see you again. Which of these applies to you?
- You don’t own your own home. You rent.
- You don’t have a fascinating job.
- You don’t earn a munificent salary.
- Your hobbies are very mundane—bowling, fishing, and videogames.
- The reason you’re “available” is that your ex-wife left you.
- You’ve never done anything spectacular or amazing in your life.
- You’re not a college grad.
- Your car, though reliable, is old and is simply a Ford, not a Mercedes.
- You’re not good-looking.
- You have a receding hairline.
You’re concerned that none of these facts will make a woman pant eagerly over you.
Well, if she’s looking for a millionaire, she’s barking up the wrong tree, and you wouldn’t be happy with her anyhow. But what if she’s a down-to-earth woman looking for a decent, caring, steady man? Bingo—she’s found you!
So here are some facts to try to impress her with. Which of these can you honestly tell her?
- You have a decent job and earn a steady salary.
- You aren’t a drunk or a druggie.
- On the other hand, you’re no prude. A few drinks on a Saturday night or a couple of beers every evening? Sure! You just don’t overdo.
- You’re more interested in her than you are in yourself.
- You’re open to new experiences—new hobbies, new adventures, new foods.
- You like being helpful around the house—sharing the cooking and household tasks, helping in any way you can.
- You are sensible with money, neither a spendthrift nor a miser.
- The comfort and well-being of the woman in your life are of paramount importance to you.
- You have a good sense of humor.
- You don’t speak ill of your ex-wife. You’re not still pining for her, but neither do you call her nasty names.
- You take responsibility for whatever part of what went wrong in your marriage that was your fault. And, even more important, you’ve learned from your mistakes.
You have a good relationship with your family members—your parents, if they’re still alive, your siblings, any children from your former marriage.
- If you have young kids, you’re a good dad to them and see them regularly.
- You keep your promises and keep your commitments.
- You’re interested in other people and not just yourself.
- While you may not be a college grad you’re still intelligent.
- You’re interested in other people’s opinions and don’t think you’re always right or you always know best.
- You respect other people.
- You respect the differences between you and other people. If this woman is of a different political persuasion, different religion, or otherwise differs in her thinking on fundamental issues, you can “live and let live.”
Okay, probably not all of the above is true of you. Not all of the above is true of most people. But can you claim most or at least many of these statements? Then you are many gals’ Galahad. Take pride in what you can claim for yourself. A lot of what women pick up on is attitude and self-respect.
If you are down on yourself because you’re not rich, famous, handsome, and accomplished, you’re going to project that to the world at large—and to this woman in particular. Your low self-esteem will work against you.
On the other hand, if you point out to yourself the many positive facets you can honestly claim, and you realize that these are all pluses in the eyes of most women, you can hold your head up high and feel good about yourself. Without getting a swelled head, think of the many positives you have going for you.
Now, don’t go spouting off all the wonderful things about yourself at one time. You’ll come off sounding like a braggart. But think about them all, and then introduce them into the conversation when appropriate.
For example, if the lady asks, “What do you like to do for fun?” you can answer, “I enjoy bowling, fishing, and playing video games, and spending time with people I like. But I’m always open to new experiences. What do you like to do?”
If she mentions something that sounds like fun, pounce on it! “Gee, I’ve never even held a tennis racquet in my hands before. Do you think you could teach me the basics?” Or, “The zoo? Sounds like fun. I haven’t been to a zoo since I was a kid. How about we go together next Saturday?”
Now she’s got the idea that you’re willing to try new things and aren’t stuck in a rut. She also understands now that you’re willing to share in at least some of the activities she enjoys.
You see, not every woman is looking for a movie-star-handsome hunk with impressive degrees and a huge bankroll, who lives in a mansion and drives a Rolls. Many, many women would be very happy with a guy who is serious about bringing home a steady paycheck but still likes to laugh and have a good time, who is helpful and considerate, thoughtful and sensible, and who isn’t self-centered. If most of this is true of you, you have very little to be concerned about.
And if this doesn’t impress her, she isn’t the right woman for you.
Try again. There are plenty of good women out there who are looking for a good man like you! Hold your head up high. Ms. Right is going to appreciate you and all the wonderful qualities you didn’t even realize you had!